Friday, May 22, 2015

An Open Prayer

For how many things should I bow
I will never come to know
A missed opportunity
or saved from disaster
I will only judge
I will never learn

Regretting for what I lost or
Thanking for not being beaten
Will I ever be able to appreciate
The Love with which I get so smitten

My yesterdays managed
My tomorrows planned
My days scheduled
My hours assigned
My all contingencies taken care of

Unprayed prayers answered
Deepest desires met
My worries taken care of
My dreams built somewhere
My eventual already in progress
My haunted past on its way of healing

Still I doubt You
Still I judge You

I bow down to You
With all my might
I try to see You
With all my sight
Still I miss it all
Still I fail to gauge
I come back and regret
I seek forgiveness
And I realize
I already have it
I cannot face such a greatness
My eyes ablaze with Your graciousness
My heart cannot hold Your Love and Care
I get burnt for lack of my sight
My vision
I try and appreciate it all
But I nullify it with my doubts
My uncertainties
My apprehension

I say I trust
I say I have faith
In reality I have only darkness
And I engulf myself into it
I do not come to You
When I should have
When I should have bowed down
I do not

I try
I fidget and I fight
I  realize it is not my domain
I know it may be already
Still I give up on You in me
Not giving up on my ego in me
I fall
I fail
I cry
And then I come to You
Still you accept me
With all Your heart
I am humbled
There in Your arms
I feel wanted
And belonged
And Loved and Cared for

Yet again I come back and search for these
In the material world
I look and look and look
I get disappointed and
Disoriented sometimes
I do and not do to please some earthly being
I seek immortality in the mortals
Wen In Your heart
There is light everywhere
There is Warmth
There is Love and Pleasure and Happiness
There is Content and there is Satisfaction
There is all the things that one needs to survive
There is all the matters that one wants all his life

Failing when I come to You
Dying when I reach You
You rejuvenate me with all of the above
You make me immortal
By accepting me back
By Loving me the way no one could
By making me Love my own self

                            -$hraddha